A North – South Divide

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There is panic on the streets of Henley-on-Thames. The red kites are revolting. According to a BBC source, a man, sat in his garden eating a croissant, was stared at maliciously by a red kite from a nearby tree. His neighbour is now too scared to go into her garden. One of the beasts hovered, whilst she dined outside on a couscous and smoked salmon salad. Her mid-morning Pimms spilled in the mayhem. Get a grip. In Sunderland, seagulls walk with semi-automatic rifles, steal people’s credit cards at knifepoint, to buy three-piece suits from Burtons. That is real rebellion, and not a reporter to be found. 

13 thoughts on “A North – South Divide

  1. This immediately brought to mind a piece I just wrote about a “revolt” — and it is nowhere near as witty as this. Wonderful satire on display here — though I did wonder whether some of it is true (e.g., the credit card part). Definitely not all fact, since seagulls do not walk with semi-automatic rifles 🙂

    1. The first part about Henley on Thames, Grace, is true, or that was how it was reported on the news. I used a bit of artistic licence about the Seagulls in Sunderland. I am glad you enjoyed the writing. I will have a look for your piece on revolt.

  2. Loved this Davy. The seagulls really are the best … theyre so cocky and arrogant. The town where I work has signs up in the retail park saying don’t feed the seagulls – not sure what that says about the locals.

    1. That made me laugh, Brenda. I think if seagulls want food they will take it. I’ve seen someone have a bag of chips taken out of their hands by a seagull. You’ve left me curious about your locals. Glad you enjoyed the writing and thank you for brightening up my morning.

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